Now A Woman I Must Be

This is a poem that I wrote almost exactly three years ago while in UNI–a psychiatric hospital. I was about 7 weeks pregnant with my daughter at the time. It was a very difficult time for me, but I did a lot of growing and processing that was really important too. It does have a little bit of that “processing subconscious brain” in there, so bear with me. My friends at the hospital loved it–and that really made my day. For all my friends who went through that hospital stay with me, this is for you!

Papa does not see his daughter grow. He holds onto her infancy.

He cannot face the fact that he knows not what to do with me.

He forces me against my will to bend to his fearing will.

How can I bend to a father’s force–when what he teaches is to bend to his love.

So I bend to both by fighting with my agency, submissively.

I know he loved me and he cares–sometimes the pain of letting go

To see what God designs as best is the hardest fight to win.

I love you, Papa, always will, but your little girl I can no longer be.

God has called me to stand up and be His Mighty Woman–

Roaring with patience, love, endurance, trust.

One day soon I hope you stop and see–always daughter

And friend indeed, but NOW A WOMAN I MUST BE!

Let me go to the hard world. I fear not it’s mocking scorn.

Christ has carried me through each child event and endowed me

With the WOMANHOOD that I’ve desired.

Fear not to let go of me, through a father’s kiss.

It is in the kisses we do share–different but the same–

All solved by a little miracle of B6 shots.

All these things I see we need: B6 after B6 after B6.

Our family trials have been so great it takes a load

Of vitamin B6 to alleviate the joy we feel.

I just know with birthmark kisses we will find

The healing we’ve been searching for:

Grandma’s hands, chocolate spots, etc. all have

ONE THING IN COMMON…B6 shots–X2 (for me).

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