Now I Know

This poem is “the next phase” that I wrote after Then I Knew. (Recommend reading that first.)

The last couple of weeks

I’ve been in a tumult

Because I knew the six months

I’d set for myself

To give you my final decision

Was almost up.

As I look back upon these near six months

I can see that God has answered me

Several times.

And with every answer about things with you

Has come an answer of my future too.

The answer was first basically told me thus:

“It’s over.”

I hesitated when I first heard those words.

They weren’t the ones that I expected.

But as time’s gone on

It’s been confirmed

Several different ways.

I’ve come to the conclusion

That for me to stay with you

Would be suicide.

I feel like the only way

We’ve each got a shot

Is if we separate.

That hasn’t been

An easy conclusion

To come to.

I have loved you

And been loyal

The best I knew how.

Sometimes to a fault.

I haven’t wanted to be a quitter

Or have our marriage fail.

Rather, I wanted to be a miracle story

Of a marriage saved inspite

Of all the fire it passed through.

But this one could not stand the fire.

It’s burned nearly to ash.

All that remains

Is a dead or dying

Almost lifeless stick.

Almost ready

To go back

To it’s Mother Earth.

It’s hurt my pride

To see it fail

And not know

How to save it.

But, alas!

That’s all I see.

And it’s over.

At least for you and me and us.

I hope that we

Can both find

Our way.

God’s showing me

What is coming for me

And given me a glimpse for you–

I hope it’s true.

God bless you

And God speed.

I love you enough

To let you go

On the path that you’ve chosen.

Please, love me enough

To do the same

In return.

I hope someday

You’ll find someone

Who’ll meet your true needs

Better than I have done.

That she’ll be strong

Where I failed.

I hope you can forgive me

For the pain this must inflict.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

God bless you.

God speed.

Adieu

And goodbye.

 

~Thoughts From A Mother’s Heart

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